Hardest Blog Yet

My blog is usually very positive and happy but this blog post is going to be a bit more serious. Some things have been going on in my body and in our house that we have chosen to keep quiet until we had some answers. I kept track of the dates and what was going on so that when we were ready we could explain everything. On October 29th I took a pregnancy test and it was a faint positive. I thought maybe I would take another the next morning with my morning pee and see if it was clearer. So that Sunday morning October 30th I took another test and it was still a faint positive. Later that day I didn’t feel great and started to get a stomach ache but didn’t think too much of it. Then a few hours later I started to spot (which is sometimes normal early in a pregnancy). But then the next day (October 31st) I was bleeding a lot! It was painful and I immediately called my doctor. The soonest she could get me in was first thing November 3rd. So until then I dealt with the pain and Josh and I prepared ourselves for the fact that it could be a miscarriage. I went in to the doctor’s office on November 3rd and still tested positive but my doctor said it was more than likely a miscarriage and that we would test my bloodwork once a week until my HCG levels were at 0. And I cried! Some moments I would be ok and then if I would think about it too much I would have to excuse myself from the room until I could gather myself again. I had very heavy bleeding and pains and cramps until November 7th. Then on November 10th my HCG levels went up which was not normal so the next day I went in to the hospital for an ultrasound. They couldn’t see anything in my uterus or tubes but they said often it’s too early. They thought it could be that I was pregnant with twins and miscarried one. So then the thought that I could still be pregnant made me hopeful but sad to know I also possibly lost one. But then the next week the HCG levels went down just a little so they knew whatever was happening it wasn’t going to be a healthy pregnancy. On November 18th I went in to meet with an OBGYN at the hospital because my normal doctor felt this was out of her expertise. This OBGYN assumed it was an ectopic pregnancy and it could not continue. An ectopic pregnancy is when the fertilized egg attaches to the Fallopian tube wall instead of the uterus. And if you continue to let the egg grow it could rupture a Fallopian tube and cause life threatening problems for myself. The 2 options to treating an ectopic pregnancy are surgery or I.V. medication. Surgery wasn’t an option for me because they couldn’t exactly see where the embryo was so with surgery there’s a good chance they wouldn’t find it and then I would still have to take medication. The second choice was the medication only. The medication they give for ectopic pregnancies is called methotrexate. This medication is a chemotherapy drug and it basically forces a miscarriage. That alone made me a little fearful with taking it along with the side effects. Common side effects are period like bleeding, cramps and pain in abdomen. Other side effects that can happen are nausea and/or vomiting, decreased appetite, sores in the mouth, headache, feeling tired, and having trouble sleeping. After hearing this I was scared and I hate taking any kind of medication! I didn’t want to take this medication because of all the side effects, the fact that we couldn’t try again for around 3-4 months and I would have to immediately stop nursing Avery at night. I told Avery I would nurse her at night until Christmas and then we would be done and I felt awful about possibly having to stop right away without any warning. I asked the doctor if we could hold off on the medication and see if my body would naturally do it. She said we could only wait a couple days because waiting too long could create more problems. So I made an appointment for blood work on the 21st. Which was only three days later and my HCG levels needed to drop down to at least 165 or else they would be giving me the medication. On November 21st I went in for bloodwork and my HCG levels went from 179 to 160. Hallelujah! I wasn’t completely out of the clear because they needed to make sure it was continuing to drop so every few days I would have to go in for blood work. Then that night I had very intense cramping and pain in my lower stomach. So much so I couldn’t stand up straight. I have no clue why this happened or what caused it but it wasn’t fun! On 23rd my HCG levels were 132. The OBGYN said that as long as it continues to drop I am basically in the clear for the surgery and medication. This was finally some good news. On 28th HCG levels were 75. She then said she wanted to check it on Friday and as long as it was around the 30s I could wait two weeks before having to go back for more bloodwork. On Friday December 2nd my HCG levels were 46 and I started my period that day. She said I could wait until the 12th to get it checked again and then on the 12th, which is today my HCG levels were at 0. My body, hormones and HCG levels were back to normal. I am completely amazed that God was able to have my body go through all of it naturally which normally does not happen in cases like mine! I didn’t have to take any medication from going through all this for which I am very grateful for! It was still a very hard and sad thing to go through for Josh and I as a couple. I was a mess on and off with my crying and emotions. Plus all the changes happening to my body weren’t easy. During this whole thing I felt kind of in a funk. I wasn’t crying all the time but I just felt weird. It took a few weeks for my emotions to go back to normal and for my body to actually feel normal again. I know that we will have another baby when the time is right and until then we will be patient. We kept this whole situation on the down low until it was finished because so many things were up in the air and we weren’t really sure what was going on with my body. Now that everything is back to normal I wanted to share this with everybody so that you could know what was going on in our lives. It’s still a little difficult to talk about and as I write this blog my throat is a little scratchy because it was a very emotional thing. After learning a lot, I am amazed at the process of a baby being formed inside and growing. I was amazed while I was pregnant with Avery but I wasn’t as educated on all the different complications and things that can happen during the pregnancy to cause it not to go as planned. Avery obviously doesn’t know all that happened because it wouldn’t make sense to her but once we do get pregnant again and are in the clear for most complications we can’t wait to tell her! (She constantly asks for a brother or sister and will play on her little dolls until she has one). This whole experience caused me to lean on God because I couldn’t do anything about what was happening except pray. I had to learn to be patient with the whole situation. A little off topic but a while ago I did a bible plan that was helping you find your one word for the year to focus on and at the end of it I kept feeling the word patience on my heart and here all those months later I really needed to use that! God is in control so I don’t need to worry and our baby is now safe in heaven with him. “Your love never fails it never gives up, it never runs out on me” (One Thing Remains by Jesus Culture)

2 thoughts on “Hardest Blog Yet

  1. So sorry for your family, I myself have just had a miscarriage sounding similar to yours in the case of hcg levels. It’s so hard but I think just excepting the emotions and having time for myself is what helped me deal with all the different things I felt. Lots of love to you xx

    Liked by 1 person

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